Hey all,
I wanted to cut straight to being personal for my first post as that's the sort of Blog that I am intending on running, one that's honest and in a sense relatable for whoever may stumble across this page.
As an 18 year old female I think it's fair to say that I have had my fair share of nights sobbing into my pillow because I feel "fat", "ugly" and quite simply "just not good enough". I am in no way saying that only females that are 18 year old have body image issues, frankly I believe that every human being at some god forbidden point in their life will struggle with body image issues whether it be a few weeks, months, hell even whole life.
I cannot even remember when my struggle with body image began, I mean from what I can remember it was some point during primary school. I just remember always looking at my friends and admiring how much slimmer than me they were, how they didn't have thicker eyebrows or arm hair and how their hair was so much more slicker and tamed compared to my Brunette frizz ball.
In high school I learnt how to use wax and tweezers to shape my eyebrows and remove any unwanted facial hair (lets be honest ladies, we all have upper lip hair and ghastly peach fuzz), I continued to get bullied about my weight and my arm hair however.
My weight was the biggest problem, it has always been the weak spot for me, to this day it still is.
I can remember a time when I thought the answer to losing weight was throwing up the food I stuffed myself with.
It wasn't and it never is. I never did make myself physically feel sick as I was always too scared to feel the ache at the back of my throat but the thoughts were never any better than the action.
I have tried diets, I have secretly not eaten for as long as I possibly could manage but I have also secretly binged on as much food as I could gather.
At the age of 18 and having just finished College I can proudly say that I am at my best place regarding body image. I wouldn't say I love myself in the slightest yet and I am in no way saying this for compliments or attention or anything, self love is something I know will take a lot of time to form but it is a journey that I am beginning with bright eyes.
Over the past year I have managed to lose some weight however I am not 100% sure how, possibly because of puberty, possibly because of the stages I go through where I will just not fancy anything to eat so will just have a sandwich and call it a day. That's something that people have had a bit of struggle understanding and people have feared I have been starving myself however I haven't. 15 year old me may have but I have learnt from that, it is never the answer, eating disorders whether they be anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder are all life threatening/harming psychological disorders and if you fear that you or someone who you know may have one speak to an adult be it a teacher or a parent about it because there is help and you will get better.
If you can relate to anything that I have said previously just know that things always have a bright side, where I once thought my eyebrows were "manly" I now find myself being quite fond of how naturally dark and thick they are and how they nicely contrast with my skin tone and my eye colour. I am still a bigger girl with a tummy and stretch marks that I know I won't ever be a fan of I also have hips like Shakira, just joking, but I do have bigger hips and a noticeably smaller waist that I like highlighting and accentuating with a waist belt, see things do have a plus side.
My lifestyle isn't the greatest, I don't smoke or religiously drink alcohol but I still don't exercise as much as I should. However I do notice myself enjoying walking with my earphones in or with a friend so I make sure I do that when possible as it is a good way to get my muscles going. I also have changed the way I eat. I don't really snack any more and when I do so it is on fruit or vegetables. If I find myself hungry instead of quickly grabbing a chocolate bar and a packet of crisps I take the time to make a salad or some other alternative and I feel myself feeling quite good afterwards and it is a rewarding feeling.
I am not an expert in any way shape or form, I have no intentions on glorifying eating disorders or bullying as they are both horrible and can both damage you and those around you. If you suffer from either of these as mentioned previously please seek help because you are a beautiful person who deserves to be unconditionally happy.
Thank you so much for reading,
Sammi xo
